mission caretaker
by Ladykatsa8
Summary: Fury decides the avengers need a caretaker, someone to organize their schedule and cook for them. Someone to help Pepper out. They can choose whoever they want but who can take on a responsibility as big a babysitting the earths mightyist heroes?
1. Mission Impossible

_I do not own any of the avengers or marvel characters._

"You're late" Fury had called a meeting with the avengers and they were an hour late. Tony tried to explain

"Well Natasha HAD to sleep in and then we lost Thor..."

"Twice." Steve interrupted

"Yes, twice, and then Steve set the oven on fire witch got the table on fire and then Natasha sprayed me with the extinguisher, then I had to change and shower again and then we lost Bruce who was trying to break up a fight between Clint and Natasha over the extinguisher..." Fury interrupted him.

"I called this meeting to discuss your late arrivals."

"if you're talking about the medal for valor, it wasn't my fault we were six hours late." Clint interrupted.

"Im talking about everything! You guys are earths mightiest heroes and you can't even stay on schedule! Thats why I've decided its time to hire a caretaker."

"But Pepper..." Tony protested

"Pepper suggested the idea to me. Someone to help her cook, clean, arrange your schedule and interviews..."

"Like a nanny?" Bruce suggested

"Exactly" Fury replied

###############

That night Natasha woke up drenched in sweat, teeth clenched, she got up and splashed water on her face and tried to forget her dream. She was running from Clint but her feet weren't moving, as he got closer, she could hear his cries for help and realized he had a bullet hole in his face. he tried to touch her but he turned into the winter soldier who strangled her. Just as she blacked out he said to her

"I thought you were better than this Natalia."

She left her room to go take a walk when she ran into Clint who looked even worse than her.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Nah, I'm trying to forget." She responded.

When they reached the training room, it was already occupied. Natasha recognized the woman as an intern from SHIELD. She assumed her to be about 20ish.

"What is she doing in our private training room?" Clint asked with disgust.

"Shhh, lets watch, see what she can do, its technically public, but no one has had enough guts to use it." The two assassins sat together, her head on his shoulder, hidden in the shadows of the doorway and watched.

################

That morning during breakfast Tony proposed a plan.

"We each venture out into the building and pick a person, a candidate to be our caretaker. when an hour is up, we'll meet here and interview them." A chorus of sounds good, echoed around the table and they all set out.

Natasha knew who she was going for, the girl from the training room. She found her sitting behind a desk typing a report with a very concentrated look on her face.

"Excuse me." Natasha said softly so she didn't startle the girl.

"Yes." The girl said without turning around, sounding bored.

"I'm Natasha..." The girl gasped and turned around. "...I was wondering if you would like to do something for me.?"

"Anything." The girl said in awe of the fact that her idol was standing in front of her. Natasha explained the job to the girl, Camille, who agreed to do the interview, glad to be rid of her boring job.

Meanwhile, Bruce went for a boy he had seen in the lab a few weeks ago. The kid, James was super smart and was willing to do anything for his favorite scientist. [He also had a grudge against Tony for spilling his serum and couldn't wait to make his life Hell.]

Clint knew a woman name Betty who had amazing chef skills and would whip him something up at night when his nightmares were really bad and Natasha was away on a mission. She agreed because she secretly had a huge crush on Clint and who doesn't love an 80 year old who cooks?

Thor grabbed a woman off the street and demanded she become his servant... she agreed because A:he was huge and she was worried about what he would do if she said no and B:He's Thor who would miss that kind of opportunity.

Tony grabbed the hottest babe he could find and promised her great riches if she came with him... she said yes.

Steve was at a loss. He was wandering the halls of the avengers tower when he saw Maria Hill. " _Thank god."_ he thought. _"If anyone can help me, it will be Maria."_ She walked over to where he was standing.

"Hey cap, watcha doing?"

"Well I don't really know." He answered. Then he explained Tony's plan to her.

"Hmmm. well I think I know the right person for the job." She led him through a network of hallways and finally they reached the right place. Inside the room was a woman who was about 90 and had large spectacles and was wearing an ugly hat with a matching dress that looked to be made of curtain. She greeted them when they got inside.

"Hallo, was kann ich für Dich tun?" " _Hello what can I do for you?"_ Steve looked at Maria for help but she was already gone.

"Sorry, wrong room." He said quickly and left.

#########

Back in the common room, the avengers were seated on a couch ready to begin the interview. Tony called for Pepper to bring the first person, the man Bruce chose, into the room. James was was nice enough but he demanded every second week off and double the payment they were offering. When asked if he could cook he gave them a very short list of toast, cereal, grilled cheeses, omelettes and mashed potatoes. He was a definite no.

The woman Tony grabbed was named Brittany and she was... interesting. She worked as a stripper in a club downtown. When asked if she could cook she gave them a list of assorted martinis and cocktails. When they told her it was time to go she jumped onto Tony and clawed at his shirt, all the while demanding for riches, all she got that day was a restraining order.

When Pepper came back in the room she informed Clint that Betty was asleep in her chair. The others decided she wouldn't be the best choice. When she came back in again she was followed by police men who had the woman Thor grabbed in handcuffs. Apparently she was a prison escapee and she had been on the run when Thor found her. She didn't get the job.

The woman Natasha picked walked in last. [Pepper had given up and left.] She looked a little scared, considering the fact that two of the previous candidates had been escorted out by security. Tony looked exhausted, Bruce had his head in his hands, Thor was absentmindedly twirling his hair with his finger, Clint was angrily shoving Natasha and she was slapping him and Steve was trying unsuccesfully to break them up.

"I I'm Ca Cam Camille."

"Are you a prison escapee?" Tony demanded.

"Uhh no?"

"A stripper?"

"Nope."

"A psychopath?"

"TONY!" Bruce yelled. Tony ignored him.

"It seems like your safe. Can you cook?"

"Ummm yes."

"Clean?"

"Shure."

"Can you handle us?"

"Ill try."

"Alright, Nat, hand her the form things." Natasha growled at him when he used her nickname and she handed Camille the forms. Clint spoke before she could claw the billionaire's eyes out.

"You have two choices, you could stay wherever you live and drive here every morning, or you could move here. If you did want to move in, we could get you any room you choose, but it would be best if you lived on our floor."

"I I'd prefer to live here please sir." Camille said quietly.

"Ill call a moving van to your house,." Clint said. "by the way, call me Clint."


	2. Adult-sitting

The following day, Camille was sitting in her room unpacking all of her belongings that had been boxed up and brought from her home.

 _"Jacket: Closet."_

 _"T-shirt: Drawer "_

 _"Comic book collection: Locked in a chest so Tony can never find it."_

Checking her watch Camille sighed and grabbed her binder. It was time to make lunch for 6 hungry superheroes who just got back from training. In the kitchen she grabbed a pan and decided on making a stack of quesadillas. Thor would eat ten, Tony and Nat two. Clint three, and Steve seven. Plus two for her. Twenty four quesadillas.

When the avengers got back to the tower, she was just putting the last quesadilla on top of the stack. They sat down, Tony with a black eye, but the rest of them looked fine.

"Alright guys, we've got chicken quesadillas with sour cream and salsa." Camille announced and grabbed two to put on her plate before they disappeared.

"Tony, you have an interview with vanity fair at one and a two press conferences at three and five. Natasha, you have some sort of secret S.H.E.I.L.D meeting at four. and Clint, you have to try on your tux for the charity gala at 6:30. Thor and Steve, you guys have the day off. Dinners at 7:30. Don't be late, we're having chicken and potatoes with corn." The worlds mightyest heroes left the table with not even a crumb left behind. "Wow." Camille said. In disbelief of the fact that they ate all that food in ten minutes. She cleared all the dished into the sink and vowed to clean it up later. She left the kitchen to follow Stark and make shure Tony would get to that meeting if it was the last thing she did.

It was 12:00 so Tony should be on his way there but not surprisingly he was still in the lobby of the tower flirting with some high school students on a tour. Camille walked briskly toward the gaggle of giggling girls and snatched Tony away swatting at the girls who tried to hold on to his clothes and arms.

"Anthony Stark! You have a meeting in one hour and you need to be in your car this instant! Don't make me smash your collectible alcohol collection!" She yelled pushing the billionaire towards the door. Protesting loudly and causing quite a commotion, he was pushed out of the shiny glass doors of the avengers tower and into his car, where Happy was trying not to laugh at the girls wailing from inside the building. The car left and when she was positive Stark wasn't going to jump out of the car, Camille went back inside to the mound of dishes that awaited her.

#############################

When dinner was finally on the table, she asked JARVIS to inform all of the avengers that their meal was ready. Natasha and Clint were the first ones downstairs. They were both trying too sit in the same seat and pushing each other off like children. Camille sighed and motioned for Clint to take the identical chair next to hers. Bruce was next and he sat down at the table looking quite disturbed. Steve came down the stairs after him with the same look on his face and they both looked at each other and looked away hurriedly. When Tony came downstairs, he had blood on his face and his shirt was in shreds. Camille gasped and rushed forward to wipe the blood off.

"What on earth...?!" She demanded.

"High schoolers... Followed... all the way...To meeting." He panted. "Had... To run...all way... here." He slumped down in his chair and began eating absentmindedly ignoring all the people staring at him. Everyone too began eating and soon they forgot about Tony and Camille was arguing with Clint about why he needed to wear a stupid tux to the gala. When dinner was over and all the dishes [with the help of Bruce and Steve] were cleared, Tony left to go to his workshop, Nat Clint and Bruce left to go watch a marathon of Breaking Bad, Steve went to go have another argument with JARVIS and Camille vacumed.


	3. One Long Night

_Sorry this has been taking so long, I´ve had a severe case of writers block. This one is pretty short, but I couldn't wait to publish it any longer._

When Camille woke up that morning, She yawned and stretched.

¨Hey there!¨ She jumped.

¨Ahh! Who is there!?¨ Tony appeared from in front of her bed, his hair rumpled and his clothes wrinkly.

¨Get out of here!¨ She threw a pillow at him. ¨Go away!¨

¨I want a food...¨ He drawled.

¨Are. Are you drunk?¨"She asked.

¨Maybe yes. Maybe No.¨ He smiled.

¨JARVIS, Get him out of here please.¨

¨Will do.¨ The AL responded. Suddenly Natasha crashed through the doors looking like a feral cat who wanted to kill.

¨So its a party now?¨ Camille demanded. Looking from Tony to Nat.

¨I. Was. Sleeping.¨ Nat jabbed her finger at Tony. All the other Avengers were slowly appearing at the doorway looking bleary eyed. Camille put her head in her hands.

¨Tony.¨ Steve began. ¨Leave Camille alone, and come with me.¨ Looking like a kicked puppy, Tony followed him.

Camille was tiredly flipping pancakes that morning when Bruce came down and started to help her set the table.

¨I heard about what Tony did last night.¨ Camille sighed, ¨He really needs to get a handle on it.¨

¨I agree, but drinking at 2 in the morning?! Who does he think he is?¨ She exclaimed.

¨Tony Stark, I guess." Bruce said.

"Oh yeah." She replied.


	4. Update!

Hey guys. I'm really sorry about how long this is taking but for most authors it takes years right?! Be lucky I'm not that slow! Here army TERRIBLE excuses: I've been sick, holidays, holiday shopping, SCHOOL, Everyday life. That last one pretty much sums everything up. I promise to have holiday Editions written by Christmas!

Please please please comment me your most hilarious holiday story ideas!

 _Love,_

 _Ladykatsa8_

 _ps. Happy Hanukah, Kwanza and Christmas!_


	5. Happy Holidays Part 1

It was that time of year. Holidays.

For Camille, this meant cleaning, cooking, and drowning out the sound of holiday music and Miracle on 34 street for the fiftieth time. Currently, the Avengers were sitting on the couch trying to figure out what type of cookies to make. To Camille, this was pointless, but to them cookies were everything. Of course, they were never going to do any of the actual work, that was her job. Bruce wanted snickerdoodles, Steve sugar cookies, Natasha ginger snap, Clint jam filled, and Tony chocolate chip. Thor had no clue what they were talking about, so he switched opinions every five seconds. Camille stuck her head into the living room,

"Why don't you pick from a jar?" She was getting tired of the bickering.

"But jars are boooring." Tony whined and Camille slapped her forehead.

"How on earth can a JAR be boring? ITS A JAR!" She stormed back into the kitchen and continued washing dishes. Thor came in and wordlessly grabbed a jar from the counter. Camille sighed and shook the wet rag.

It was decided, they would make sugar cookies and decorate them, after Camille had made them of course. That night, Camille was making her rounds, which meant finding Tony and dragging him out of the lab when she saw that he was already in his room. She was about to open the door when she heard the whispered voices of all the Avengers. _What are they up to?_ She knew that this would come back to bite her, but she walked back to her room.

################

At 5 AM, all the Avengers simultaneously came downstairs. Tony had rigged Camille's clock to say midnight, and Bruce had made her windows black out. They were going to make those cookies if it killed them.

Clint Steve and Natasha gathered ingredients, Tony and Bruce got the cookbook and the appliances and Thor watched Camille's door. All was well and they had mixed all the dry ingredients when Steve decided that the flour could go back in the cabinet. You might be thinking that this was benign, but we're talking about Steve here. He had grabbed the bag, which was upside down, and walked over to the cabinets, with the upside down bag and put it away. Then all hell broke loose.

Tony who was holding the bowl of wet ingredients slipped on the flour and the bowl fell to the floor and shattered. Tony bent down to pick it up, and Natasha tripped over him, sending the sheet pan she was holding flying into the microwave which was running. The glass cracked and the microwave, that had been warming up a metal bowl of butter, burst into flames. Dummy the robot zoomed in with the fire extinguisher and sprayed everyone and everything except the microwave. Thor grabbed the extinguisher from the robot and threw it at the microwave. Clint who was struggling to get up, ducked below the extinguisher and fell onto Natasha who covered her head and screamed. Steve, ran towards the microwave, and determined to fix his mistake, grabbed the still flaming machine, and threw it out the window.

Then there was utter silence in the tower as the Avengers stood up and looked around them. Light fixtures were dangling from the ceiling, dummy was spinning in circles, there was flour everywhere, the oven was sparking, there was glass on the floor, egg on the walls and pots and pans thrown everywhere. Suddenly, a loud thumping came from upstairs and the Avengers looked up. Thor ran downstairs panting and said boomingly,

"I tried to stop her!" He shrank into the corner as Camille stormed downstairs hands in fists.

"WHY! WHY DID THOR TRAP ME IN MY ROOM? WHY IS THE KITCHEN IN SHAMBLES? WHY IS THE FREAKING MICROWAVE GONE AND THE WINDOW BROKEN?" She stomped to the window and stuck her head out. You could hear screams outside. "WHY IS THE MICROWAVE FLAMING IN A SNOWBANK?!" The Avengers looked around them. "ANSWER ME?!" Tony opened his mouth. "NOT YOU STARK?" Bruce began,

"We wanted to make you cookies." She wasn't buying his sweet expression. Brice went for a different tactic, "Steve started it!" Camille put her head in her hands.

"I don't want to know." She pointed at each of the Avengers in turn. "I am going christmas shopping. This kitchen should look exactly the way it did before you woke up." She started towards her room. "I will bring home dinner, be ready by 5." She slammed her door shut.

Tony looked to Bruce who looked to Natasha who looked to Clint who looked to Steve who looked to Thor who was twirling his hair on his finger absentmindedly.

"We have a lot to do."


	6. Happy Holidays Part 2

After the cookie fiasco, tempers had cooled and things were back to normal, almost.

"Get out get out get out!" Camille was getting very territorial of her kitchen.

"Geez! I just wanted some yogurt!" Clint backed away and ducked underneath the towel that was thrown at him.

"I don't trust your cooking abilities Clint! No matter how simple opening the fridge is." She opened the shiny new fridge and grabbed him some yogurt and threw the spoon at him. "Use a napkin!" Chuckling, Clint walked into the living room.

#############

In the car, the Avengers were on their way to get a Christmas tree.

"I don't see why we need one!" Natasha was against the idea of a filthy tree in their home and wanted no part.

"Be festive! We could use some holiday cheer!" Tony was trying to be positive, and was failing.

"You just want to use it to cover up that hole in the wall from out bowling game!" Steve slapped him and Tony looked nervously at Camille.

"What bowling game? What hole in the wall?" She turned around and glared at Tony.

"The one behind the tapestry of that ugly lady." Thor said gleefully. He didn't understand how dire the situation was.

"That ugly lady is Queen Elizabeth you idiot!" Clint slapped him and Thor didn't seem to feel it.

"Why do you even own a tapestry of Queen Elizabeth n the first place Tony?" Natasha yelled.

"Can we get back to the HOLE IN THE WALL!" Camille was persistent.

Soon a fight had broken out and Natasha jumped in the back of the car to break it up. Luckily, they pulled into the tree farm before anyone could get hurt, or killed.

Camille stumbled out of the car and pointed towards the trees.

"Knock yourself out." She mumbled and slumped against the car. "Literally."

The whoops of glee of the Avengers resounded throughout the lot and families stopped to stare at the earths mightiest heroes.

"Lets get this one!" Thor pointed to a maple tree and ran towards it. Natasha grabbed a lawn chair and sat down to watch the comedy.

"Not that one you oaf! An evergreen." Clint pointed towards the rows of trees.

"That one will forever be green in my heart." Thor looked longingly towards the maple tree.

"Tough luck point break." Tony pushed the god towards the lot. Thor looked back once more at the tree and then his face brightened when he saw all the trees they could choose.

When they finally found one, they chose one that was so tall that it would touch the top of the 8 foot tall ceilings at stark towers. Natasha had somehow acquired a martini and was laughing hysterically at her comrades.

Tony was arguing with the man at the register, complaining that the 30 trees that they threw into the forest were unworthy for sale, and therefore they had done him a favor.

When they paid and had finally gotten the tree on the car. It was hanging off both ends, so Camille kept swerving because she couldn't see.

"You had to pick this one?" She swerved, narrowly missing a taxi.

"It was this or the maple tree." Bruce sighed.

"I believe that would have been a better choice." Thor boomed ans Natasha snorted.

"Yeah! Fury would have loved that one."

"How are we going to get this thing into the elevator anyway?" Clint looked up at Stark tower as they approached.

"I can fly it up?" Tony suggested.

"I guess so, but no joy rides." Camille knew she would regret this.

################

"TO THE LEFT! THE LEFT!" Camille was standing on the balcony screaming her head off and causing tourists to look up at the building in surprise. Of course, after the microwave incident [which was still in the snowbank] They seemed to understand why things were falling from the sky, like pine needles.

"Im bringing her down!" Tony was struggling under the weight. "Oh look!" He looked up and Camille groaned. "Geese!" She slapped her forehead. "Fly with me my friends!" Tony was spinning in the air. He stopped suddenly and with a grunt, he dropped. the. tree.

"In coming!" Camille screamed and dove inside. The tree crashed onto the balcony and Tony dove down.

"TONY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Camille yelled from behind the glass. Tony picked up the tree and shoved it through the glass. It scraped the ceiling, but because it was now slightly lopsided, it fit.

With a crash the door banged open and none other than Nick Fury ran in the door.

"WHAT THE HELL!" He pointed at the tree. "IS THAT?"

"Our Christmas tree sir." Steve took charge.

"A freaking tree in my building?!" He didn't seem happy.

"Its technically..." Tony began, but thought better of it.

"What Stark!?" Tony gulped.

"My building." He whispered.

"OH! YOUR BUILDING!" He pointed at the tree, and then at Camille. "FIX IT!"

When he slammed the door, Camille jumped and then she turned around and looked at the Avengers.

"BRUCE! Go get all the boxes of ornaments and organize them in alphabetical order! STEVE and CLINT! Go straighten out the Christmas tree! THOR! In the kitchen with me! NATASHA! Ge find a tree stand and skirt and gather logs for the fire!" She turned to the remaining avenger. Tony was looking at the ground. "TONY!" He jumped. "Grab the broom and sweep all the pine needles on the floor, the balcony, and the street!" Then she turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen.

############

In the kitchen, Camille and Thor were making dinner when from the living room, there arose such a clatter, Camille sprung from the room to see what was the matter.

When she stuck her head in the door, she was met with an... odd sight. Steve and Clint were clinging to the tree shreaking and squealing. Natasha was running after something with both pistols drawn. Bruce was hiding behind the stacked boxes and Camille ran over to him.

"What is going on?" She asked. Bruce looked up.

"Ma ma ma mouse!" Camille rubbed the bridge of her nose and watched Nat try to shoot the rodent. Then, before things could get ugly, Camille opened the door to the balcony, grabbed the mouse (which was probably too preoccupied with Nats pistols to notice her) and tossed it off the railing. She walked back in and slammed the doors.

"Any more mouse problems CAPTAIN AMERICA?" Steve turned red. "I didn't think so." She marched into the kitchen.

#############

They had just put the chicken in the oven and Nat stuck her head into the kitchen.

"Want do you want us to do now? We finished."

"Even Tony?"

"Even Tony."

"Take Thor and get started decorating."

"Will do."

This was going to be interesting.

############

It had been 2 hours, no one had come in to tell her they had received a 911 call, no one had screamed, nothing. She took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. She opened the door and... and...and...her jaw dropped to the floor. The tree was done. Finished. Perfectly. Save the window frame stuck around the middle. Pointing she said,

"I don't want to know about the frame, but, wow." The Avengers smiled and clapped. Except Tony who was no where to be seen. "Where is Tony?" She asked getting more nervous by the minute. No one answered. "Natasha! I know you know something." Nat looked to Clint.

"It was his idea!" Clint looked to Steve.

"HIM!" Steve looked at Thor who looked at Clint who looked at Steve who was too scared to look at Nat.

"I think," Camille said. "It was all of you. Now tell me!" Nat handed Camille her coat and they lead her outside to the crowd of people looking up to the balcony. Camille gasped pushing past the people.

Tony was tied to the balcony with, Christmas lights, and they were lit up. He was gagged.

"Oh! Well if that's all, who wants dinner?!" Camille smiled and waved to Tony, then she led everyone in.

############

On the couch, the Avengers were sipping hot chocolate and enjoying the silence.

"How long has it been?" Steve asked.

"4 hours." Bruce answered.

"Should we get him?" Steve asked again.

"Nah." Camille replied.

"Omph!" Tony cried from the balcony.


	7. Happy Holidays Part 3

_Sorry this took so long! I hope everyone has a happy holidays!_

"Today is the day!" Camille announced as she walked into the dining room. The Avengers looked up, mouths full. "We are going shopping!" A chorus of groans resounded throughout the room and Camille scowled. "I will not have you unprepared for the holidays."

"But shopping is so hard!" Clint wined.

"And public!" Tony complained.

"Well then bring walking shoes and wear sunglasses!" Camille exclaimed like Jimmy Choos and Ray-Bans solved all of life's problems.

##############

The Avengers stepped into the mall hesitantly waiting for the mob of fans that followed, but the shoppers continued without looking up.

"Whats going on?" Steve asked and Bruce laughed.

"It looks like a Christmas miracle!"

"Alright!" Camille assumed position as the commander. "Buddy system!" They all groaned. "Tony and Steve, Thor and Bruce, Clint and Nat. I will meet up with you every thirty minutes!" Clint smiled at Nat and she edged away. "Now dash away dash away dash away all!" The Avengers slumped away into the lions den. AKA mall.

############

 _Tony and Steve POV._

Steve was following Tony into various lingerie stores for his unnamed lady friends, when he spotted Camille coming their way.

"Have you by any chance seen Captain America and Iron man?" The woman at the counter gave her an odd look and she walked away. Tony grabbed Steve and they dove behind one of the shelves.

"That was close!" Steve had a feeling that Tony was planning to avoid Camille all day, and that never worked out.

###########

Bruce was finished with all his shopping and he was glad because Thor was, um, Thor was, well he didn't really know what Thor was doing. As of right now, Thor had proceeded to remove his shirt and was working on getting his sandals off so he could have a swim in the fountain. Bruce was well aware that's was illegal, but it was better than him hulking out thanks to Thor's insolence.

"THOR! BRUCE!" Camille ran up to Bruce. "WHAT ON EARTH?!" Camille pointed at Thor in disbelief.

"I'm pretty sure you mean on Asgard." Thor had removed his shoes and shouted,

"I AM A GOD!" Camille ran over to him.

"THOR! THOR! STOP THIS!"

"I AM A GOD!" He repeated again and Camille slapped her forehead.

"We could tranquilize him." Bruce whispered.

"Where would we get a tranquilizer?" Camille whispered back.

"Nat keeps them in her purse after the Tony incident." Camille shuddered at the memory. Tony had gotten a bit tipsy and long story short, he was now banned from the zoo. Luckily Nat came running up with Clint in tow. When she saw Thor she dropped to her knees and laughed herself silly while Clint did the same.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Camille yelled at the two assassins. "Do you have the tranquilizers?" Camille asked Nat who rummaged through her purse and pulled out a few darts.

"I have the gun in here somewhere."

"There is something off about this." Bruce said and everyone agreed. "Where are the cops?" The mall security were nowhere to be found, luckily.

Nat found her gun and loaded the darts.

"It should take a few of these" Thor was in his boxers and untying his helmet.

Nat shot one in his arm and he didn't seem to notice. "Meathead." She mumbled and shot two more.

It took thirteen tranquilizers to get Thor to the ground and by then Steve had shown up.

"Where is Tony?" Clint asked an Steve looked around him.

"I thought he was with me. I must have gotten lost in the silence." They heard shrieking coming from around the corner and Tony came running and panting up to them. His face was scratched and his clothes torn.

"High schoolers. Here. Found. Me." He panted and a gaggle of girls ran up to the group screaming at Tony and Naked Thor.

Camille, who could take no more of this grabbed Nat's pistol from her purse and walked up to the girls. She fired three shots into the air and yelled.

"IF YOU DON"T SHUT UP I WILL LOCK YOU IN A CELL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ARTIC TUNDRA." The girls quieted. "GET OUT!" They squealed and ran away. Camille turned to the Avengers. "Now. Let's go before we cause a scene." She said calmly and beckoned to Steve and Tony. "Get him," She looked at Thor. "out of here." Then she walked out of the mall with her head held high.


	8. Happy Holidays Part 4

_This is not going to end well._

That was what Camille had been saying all month as the Avengers had prepared for the Holidays, but this time Camille was certain that something would go wrong.

The annual S.H.I.E.L.D holiday party was tonight and that meant shake hands, say polite stuff, laugh with coworkers who you hate, etcetera. She had made list of fears for each Avenger and written it down on her clipboard.

Tony: Get drunk and do something stupid and embarrass us all and potentially cause world war 3.

Steve: Get overwhelmed and have a panic attack during a speech and leave the stage in tears. (That has happened before.)

Bruce: One word. Hulk.

Natasha: A man will try to hit on her and she will break his bones and potentially his soul.

Clint: Has a tendency to join the fight. Any fight.

Thor: He's Thor. He'll think of something stupid to do.

Camille was determined to not let any of these things happen. But in order to make everything to be perfect, she had to start prepping.

###################

"TONY!" She ran through the halls of the Avengers tower Causing quite a commotion. "GET IN THE VAN THIS INSTANT!" They were on their way to go clothes shopping but Tony was being... How do you put it kindly... a pill. She skidded to a stop and saw Tony frantically pushing the close button on the elevator. "Oh no you don't." She dragged him between the doors by his ear.

"Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow!" People in the hall snickered and watched. "I can get you fired!" Tony yelled at them and they snapped their mouthes shut. Camille walked up to the van where everyone was seated and tossed him in. He rubbed his ear and whimpered.

"First stop outfits, next hair and nails, next makeup, next back to the tower, get dressed, grab your gifts and get down to the party without any fatalities." She was proud of her plan for once.

"Can I wear sweatpants?" Clint asked.

"All men will wear tuxes, all women, red, no silver, only gold." She looked at all of them. "We will be coordinated if it kills me."

###################

"I don't think it is suitable for a party." Thor was trying a tux that Camille had chosen. He walked out of the dressing room and Tony burst out laughing.

"It looks fine Thor," She glared at Tony. "Not everything needs armor."

"But how will I defend myself in a sword fight?" Camille sighed.

################

Clint was miserable. Camille had found a tux for him but he had always preferred pants. Steve was happy with whatever Camille picked out and was an easy customer. Bruce already had a tux that was made of stretch material so no one would be potentially scarred for life. Tony was impossible.

"Its too tight." "It doesn't compliment my eyes." he whined on and on. Finally she grabbed one of the previous suits that he claimed didn't match his complexion and thew it on the counter. She went to find nat who had a long red ballgown and examined it and then she grabbed her own dress and marched the team to the register.

"That will be... $5,879 and 63 cents." The cashier said and he grimaced at the price waiting for her toyed in outrage.

"No problem." She said calmly and threw the credit card Fury hd given her on the counter.

When she had payed for the clothes, they walked down the street to the hair salon. When all of the boys were getting cut and blown dry, she sat down with Nat to get a mani pedi. Finally some peace.

When she woke up. Nat was shaking her and saying it was time to go to makeup.

"Where are the boys." She was worried.

"In the lounge." Nat said "I confiscated all of the alcohol."

When they're finally finished, and another $500 dollars had been spent, they got back in the van and sped back to the tower.

##############

"Go get dressed and don't forget your gifts!" They split up to go to their rooms. When Camille was dressed, she ran into the living room where Nat was strapping a Gun to her ankle. "No. No. No weapons allowed." Nat frowned and handed her the gun. The rest of the avengers came downstairs all holding their gifts for the secret santa. She led the procession down to the lobby where a limo was waiting for them. They got in and she immediately slapped Tonys hand away from the champagne.

"Rules." they groaned. "Moniter your drinking. Be polite, only use the speech cards I made for you, and be sensible." They pulled up at the Plaza hotel and Camille did a head count. "Stay close but not too close." Then the Avengers ran off.

#############

"Thank you!" Steve had just given his speech about the economy or something and there were no tears or panic attack what so ever. The evening was going well, they had give their gifts, She had gotten Margret Mueller from accounting and had gotten her a frying pan which she loved. And Derek James from Mission planning had given her a Bikini, which she also secretly loved. Nat had gotten Melinda May a garrote and Tony had gotten Leo Fitz a Biochemical something or other. Bruce had given Miranda Garnet from directing an automatic pencil sharpener, (no idea why.) And Clint had given Jasper Sitwell a cookbook. (Once again, no clue why.) Steve had given agent Ward a pretty nice watch. And Thor had given Bobbi Morse a... she opened up the box and screamed. She dropped it on the ground and inside was a... dead squirrel.

"Thor!" Camille whisper yelled to the god. "Why did you kill a squirrel and wrap it?" He looked confused.

"It is the greatest honor to gift a woman one of your kills on Asgard."

"We aren't on Asgard! This is earth! On earth you give people flowers and chocolate and books, not deceased rodents!" Thor, determined to fix his mistake, grabbed a tree in a pot that was near the wall and walked over to Bobbi. He grabbed the squirrel and handed her the tree which she collapsed under. Then looked at Camille, smiled and threw the squirrel out the window.

"THOR!" She yelled. She ran over to agent Morse and rolled the tree off of her. "I'm so sorry about him!" She ran over to Thor "Continue your festivities everyone!" She yelled.

############

A crowd had gathered in the center of the ballroom and Camille pushed her way to the front. She gasped. Nat was pounding the face of Agent Closen.

"NATASHA!" So much for the perfect night. Nat looked up and stopped mid punch. "What are you doing?"

"He kissed me!" She started hitting him again.

"That doesn't mean you can pummel him!" Nat opened her mouth. "Not another word." She dragged Nat out of the crowd and left Agent Closen on the ground.

#############

Camille found Tony surrounded by people yelling, "Chug! Chug! Chug!" _Not again._ She thought. She walked into the middle of the circle and grabbed the bottle of Vodka from the billionaire. "Tony!" She slapped him. She didn't care anymore. "You can't keep doing this! You are an adult and a role model to people all over the world. She dragged him out of the ballroom and into a broom closet where she pushed him in and locked the door. "Sober up and then we'll talk!" She responded to his yelling.

##########

By the time it was time to leave, Camille was finished. The Avengers, had sighed autographs, promised press conferences and were finally lined up at the limo. The got inside of the limo and sped off the the tower.

"All together, we had a pretty good night!" Camille exclaimed when they got to the tower. They walked into their respective rooms and collapsed, still in their clothes. All but Bruce who couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

#############

"Guys?" Tony called from the broom closet.

############

 _That was a long chapter to write in two hours! Next is part 5, the last part of my... Lets call it Holiday special! Please_ _review! I Love your suggestions!_


	9. Happy Holidays Part 5 Finale!

_I know the holidays are over, but here you go! Merry Happy_ _Hanukkah, Kwanza, and Christmas! And sorry to_ _disappoint but this chapter is going to get very sappy at some parts._

"Camille" "Psssst Camille" Tony bounced on her bed.

"Tooonnyy. Go away!"

"Camille! Get up!" He whisper-shouted, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Whattimeisit?" She drawled.

"2" He replied like this was no big deal.

"Lady Camille!" Thor "whispered" Camille cracked one eye open. "It is the day of Christmas!"

"Not you too." She pushed Tony off and closed her eyes.

"Pssssst! Camille!" She groaned. "Its Christmas!" Steve whispered, not even bothering to contain his glee.

"I am now well aware it is Christmas. Thank you." She was almost fully awake now. "Where are the others?"

"Well, this is the first Christmas Nat and Clint have spent with us ever. They're always on a mission during the holidays." Steve was bouncing up and up and up and down and down. "And Bruce is probably still asleep."

Camille sighed. " Go wake up the others." The team was halfway out the door when she called. "And don't forget!" They barely stopped to turn around. "Whoever is incharge of Nat, She sleeps with a pistol under her pillow. Remember to duck."

Several gunshots later. The entire team was in Camille's room, Bruce was half asleep, Clint had forgotten the joy of Christmas, and was now bouncing along with the other guys and Nat... Nat was...

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU STEVE." She ran up to Steve whose cheeks were bright red, wielding a machete.

"I I'm s s sorry!" he cowered behind Thor. "I didn't mean to."

"LIAR!" She screamed and birds on a nearby tree flew away in panic.

"HOLD-IT!" Camille shrieked and everyone froze. "Nat, Machete down. Steve apologize, Tony I know you had something to do with this so shut your mouth."

"I only told him how to properly wake up a lady." He said innocently and Steve shouted,

"You told me that singing the national anthem while accompanied by a bugle is a good idea." Steve's cheeks were even redder now.

"I'M RUSSIAN." She stepped closer to the super soldier.

"You're in America." He said defiantly.

"You're both in my room." They looked at Camille, as if they had forgotten she was there.

"And you are all in my tower." Tony grabbed Camille out of bed and dragged her out the door.

One flight of bumpy stairs later, they were in the living room.

Camille had to say, It was gorgeous. The tree was lit up, and if you looked past the chair around the middle, it could be considered stunning. The fireplace, alright the television decorated like a fireplace was on, there were wreaths everywhere and wrapped gifts strewn across the floor. She looked up at Thor who was grinning like a toddler. Pointing to a huge bow in the corner she said

"Go ahead." With a whoop of joy, he descended upon the box and tore up the wrapping. The other Avengers smiled as the God opened up the box. Inside was a bike. A huge bike, but still a bike. It had his hammer all over it and even a hammer shaped horn. (It wasn't very hard to find personalized gifts for the Avengers, since they each had a collection of paraphernalia.)

"Can I ride it Lady Camille?!" He asked his smile bigger than a child's.

"As soon as it stops snowing!" He clapped his hands together and made the floor shake. Camille sat down in a comfy chair feeling pleased with herself.

All the Avengers were tearing paper and squealing with joy. Except for Clint and Nat who were sitting on the couch looking confused.

"Go ahead guys. Have fun!" Camille pushed.

"Wait! There are presents for us?!" Clint's smile grew bigger and Camille understood what Tony had said. He walked over to a wrapped box with his name on it and began unwrapping it carefully.

"So we open presents with our names on them and and then do that," Nat pointed at Tony and Bruce holding hands and jumping in a circle like schoolgirls.

Nat looked skeptical. "I've never celebrated Christmas before." She smiled at Clint. Who stood up and dragged her over to the tree.

With all the Avengers opening their gifts, Camille was finally relaxed. Dummy brought out eggnog, and Camille had previously made cookies.

At noon, Maria Hill stopped by with fruitcake, and Phil dropped in with his team, Jasper Sitwell came by, and then...

"LOKI!"

The Asgardian appeared in their living room with a smile, or more of a grin/sneer.

"I have come to wish good tidings to my idiot brother!" He announced and Thor squeezed his brother into a hug.

"Does mother..." Thor started but his question was answered when to Asgardian guards appeared behind Loki.

"Goodbye my oafish pig brother!" And then he was gone.

"Goodbye Loki!" Thor smiled, the insults seemed to have rolled off him, like the tranquilizers.

################

Camille had started cooking soon after and she let the Avengers, "play". Tony and Bruce were in the workshop using their new gadgets. Steve and Thor were deciphering instruction manuals, and Nat and Clint were shooting things.

"I don't speak Mandarin!" Steve yelled for the fifth time and Tony ran in the room with a huge, gun thing.

"Did someone say Mandarin?!" He assumed attack position. When he found out he was wrong, he slunk back into the workshop disappointed.

###########

Camille had thought the day couldn't get any weirder when Fury burst in the door.

"Bank robbery 35th street." Somehow Nat and Clint arrived at the same time as Bruce and Tony.

"On it boss!" And then they were gone. All that was left was a German instruction sheet floating softly to the ground.

###########

When the Avengers came back to the tower, they found the table was set and food was out piping hot. Looking into the living room, Camille was passed out, duster in hand.


	10. Good Luck Stark!

The world was ending. It was official. The world was over.

It was time for the Avenger's physicals.

"Let go!" Camille tugged on the billionaires legs while his arms were wrapped around the bar leg.

"Never!" He kicked and screamed like a toddler having a tantrum.

"You are going to get evaluated if it is the last thing I do!" With a final tug she pulled him off the bar and Thor scooped him up.

"But I don't count!" He finally stopped struggling and went for reasoning.

"All the Avengers are required to take a mandatory physical test overseen by the board of directors at 9:30 AM in their private training room." She looked up from her phone.

Tony just pouted.

The rest of the Avengers were waiting in front of the gym when they arrived. They were greeted by the Board, Fury, Maria, Jasper and a group of SHIELD scientists with clipboards who were mumbling in a huddle.

"Five minutes and twenty six point seventy eight seconds late." Fury smirked at his watch, and then at Camille who was out of breath. "Rogers..." He beckoned.

Poor Steve was surrounded by the scientists who put some heart monitor on his chest and gave him instructions.

3 sets of suicide sprints, 100 sit ups, 500 push ups, 75 jumping jacks, and then jog around the gym. Steve and Thor had the same numbers. They finished with a nod of approval from the board and then they left to go yell at Steve's computer.

Nat and Clint were next,

2 sets of suicide sprints, 75 sit ups, 100 push ups, 50 jumping jacks, and then run around the gym twice.

They were done, and before they had left the gym, they had started hitting and screaming at each other over who had better time. (Clint had lost by 5 seconds) They then left to go do their monthly weapon inventory.

Banner was next, he was in excellent shape,

1 suicide sprint, 50 sit ups, 50 push ups, 25 jumping jacks, and then jog around the gym.

He was finished, and a little out of breath, but he stayed to laugh at his lab partner.

Then Tony...

"No."

"Yes."

"No"

"Yes."

"N..."

"You're doing it."

"Fine."

Tony decided to modify his list a little.

1/2 suicide sprint, 3 sit ups, 10 push ups, a couple sad attempts at jumping jacks, and then, it could't even be classified as running, around the gym.

Bruce was rolling around the floor laughing by the time he was done.

"In my defense," he panted, "I was dying three years ago."

################

"Banner shows an excellent performance of his physical skills, and considering his position in life, he should be very proud." Bruce smiled and high fived Steve.

"Me next!"

"Agent Barton has incredible physical skills but needs to work on his attitude." Nat snorted.

"Me!" Steve had the energy of a small child.

"Agent Rogers shows phenomenal skills and is surpassing even our expectations."

"Me now!" Thor jumped up and down and the floor trembled.

"Thor is in great shape. He needs to improve his mental capacity." Clint fell over laughing, and Thor didn't seem to notice why.

"I did well then lady Camille?" He looked at Camille who was trying desperately not to laugh.

"Very." She smiled.

"Romanoff?" She looked at Nat who shrugged. "Agent Romanoff has shown remarkable physical skills and mental skills, she has been a terrific asset."

"I finally did something right!" Clint exclaimed. Nat raised her eyebrows. "I'm the one who brought you in in the first place!"

Before she could find a way to answer that, Clint changed the subject.

"Tony!"

"Stark has shown little, if no physical attributes." Everyone except Tony laughed. Camille shushed them all. "He will be required to take a class with Agent Brock weekly to improve his physical strength." His mouth fell open.

"Recruit Brock?" "With the recruits?" The team smirked at him.

"Good luck Stark."


	11. 21 century training

They were hopeless.

Camille had tried and tried again to teach Thor, and Steve about the modern day world, but she had finally decided.

These two were hopeless. The suffix -less, to be without. The base word hope, a feeling of expectation. They were without a feeling of expectation!

"Are you sure?" Steve had the manual upside down as he and Thor tried to construct an Ikea table.

"It states: "Place your ingatorp table upside down to secure its legs." Thor scratched his head. "Where is the ingatorp?"

Tony flounced into the living room.

"Tony, what's an ingatorp?" Steve asked the billionaire.

"An ingatorp is a cheap table bought at Ikea. its catchphrase is :"Two monkeys could build it!" JARVIS answered.

"Thank you sky god!" Thor looked at Steve who still had the manuals upside down.

"Two monkeys indeed." Tony chuckled and left the living room.

##################

That night, the Avengers sat in the living room watching the Matrix. Not the best choice of movie for Thor and Steve who could barely grasp the concept of Wifi. Their "table" sat in the corner it was lopsided, and missing a leg which Thor had chucked off the balcony in a fit of rage.

"Are you sure this is legal?" Steve whispered for the fifteenth time.

"It's a movie Steve." Camille answered for the twentieth time.

"I for one, think this movie is delightful!" Thor shouted causing Clint to drop his popcorn. "What is the name of the bear again?" He looked to Camille.

"Where did you see a bear Thor?!" Camille asked and and tossed up her hands.

"Is this not the sequel to the lovely bear film we watched last night?"

#################

When the movie was over, all of the Avengers headed to their rooms, save Tony and Bruce who would hide in the lab all night. Camille had put the last of the dishes from dinner away, when she heard a loud banging sound.

"What on earth?" She walked down the hall and was followed by the bleary eyed Avengers. Minus Thor, and Steve.

When they reached the elevator. Steve was standing outside of it, and Thor was apparently on the inside.

"I think he hit the emergency stop button accidentally." Steve jumped as the god bamged on the doors again.

"HELP! I HAVE BEEN SWALLOWED BY A FOUL BEAST!"

"Thor!" Camille ran up to the door.

"IT IS DARK IN HERE!"

"Call security." Camille sighed at Tony.

When security did arrive, it took a lot of machinery to release the God from the "foul beast"

He hugged each workman, sending two to the ER, and then walked to bed holding a furry bear. When they got the call saying someone had pushed the emergency button and they were trapped in an elevator, maintenance had thought only a child would be so idiotic, so they brought a bear to reward him for being such a good kid. Thor was hugging it like he was one.

"Goodnight everyone..." Camille mumbled and stumbled to her bed.

#############  
Camille was woken up by an alarm blaring.

"Fire drill Miss." Jarvis' voice was barely audible over the alarm.

"WHY!" Camille screamed, but the AL was silent. She was asking that question too many times to expect an answer.

Outside, The team, the maintenance crew, and an IT guy who, as far as Camille was concerned was a vampire, were the only ones outside. (Tony was too arrogant to have security guards.)

"Tony..." Camille was preparing for a lecture.

"You can't argue about common safety Camille!" The billionaire looked astounded. "You of all people, should know how we need to practice for the event that there is a fire in the building."

"We are the only ones here!" The IT guy waved and looked back at his phone. "And you set things on fire all day." She paused. "Wait a minute..." The team grimaced. "You don't even have fire alarms!" They sighed collectively. "Why do you look like you're hiding something."

"We aren't!" Bruce said too quickly and Camille looked at the Avengers.

"Where. Is. Thor?" Camille demanded bitterly and the team looked at the ground. "Where. Is. Steve?" They took a step back.

"We don't know." Clint said at last.

#############

"Thor!" Nat screamed from the roof.

"Steve!" Bruce yelled into the gym.

"Thor. Steve" Tony mumbled from the kitchen where he was "looking" in the ice cream tubs.

"Steve!" Clint yelled into the movie theater.

"Steve! Thor!" Camille ran out of the Stark tower business center.

"For Peggy..." Steve mumbled from his bed, raising his fist into the air.

"For Asgard." Thor whispered, still clutching the plush bear, from his.


	12. Renewal

Dear humans that have been intently reading this fic and were hoping for an incredible finale but instead got something terrible,

I have come to a decision. I am going to delete the entire finale that I have so far and start again! Because I know, and you know that you deserve something better.

Thank you very much,

Ladykatsa8


	13. Secrets Will Never Stay Secrets

_I'm so sorry about how long that took, but it should be MUCH better than what I had before. Don't forget that I deleted the entire previous finale that I had done and now I've you guys something 10x better._

"Camille has a secret." All the avengers exclaimed simultaneously as they sat down at the table in the practically empty SHIELD cafeteria late one Sunday night.

"Wait. What?" They yelled. Each of them hoping to be the one to show up with the big revelation.

"Well she obviously has super powers!" Steve said and Thor nodded in agreement.

"The lady Camille has the uncanny ability to produce pop-tarts mysteriously whenever I'm hungry" Thor smiled at his teammates. Proud with what he had discovered.

"Okay..." Steve looked at the god and laughed. "Not what I was thinking, but have you noticed how she is always in two places at once? Like one second she goes up to the tower to get Thor's distraction box before a presentation, and the next we see her on the other side of the room speaking to someone." The team slowly started nodding, understanding his statement.

"Well I for one, want to know where all of her scars came from." Bruce said frowning. "She has more than a few visible ones and I bet, a lot more where we can't see them."

"I have noticed them." Nat said slowly.

"Well, I think that she has some sort of secret party life." Tony stated and the table fell silent. Each of his teammates looking at him with expressions of bewilderment or concern. "Come on guys. No one is that uptight all the time. I mean she dresses like an old woman with twenty cats and she never take days off. She has to sneak off to become her true party animal self."

"Well WE think..." Clint and Nat said before Tony could continue. "That she is most definitely hiding something. The first night we ever saw her, she was training in the Avengers training room, and she was incredible." That was about as close as Nat ever came to a compliment.

"Hold it." Tony raised his hands in the air as if about to make a huge proclamation. "I have a plan. COME WITH ME!" He stood up and walked through the cafeteria, the rest of his comrades following him. He paused by the vending machine. "Thor. Grab that, we're gonna need it." So the god, with the help of the super soldier, lifted the huge metal box and followed behind their friends, weaving throughout the building, making not quite the weirdest processtion that tower has ever seen.

#######################

When the Avengers arrived in Tony's rooms he motioned for Thor to put the vending machine in front of the door.

"What exactly is that for?" Clint asked motioning to the giant metal food box.

"A, snacks. Because we're gonna be up here for a while. And B, to block the door so Camille doesn't get in." The Avengers, who have by now gotten used to Tony's schemes, went along with it.

Next, the billionaire pulled out a giant whiteboard from his closet and quickly erased what looked like either missile launch codes or a diagram of the pentagon. The he grabbed a black marker and scrawled down powers, party animal, scars, and martial arts in four separate columns titling the whiteboard with CAMILLE'S SECRET written in big red letters.

"So inconspicuous." Natasha remarked sarcastically and Tony smiled.

"Puh-lease, Romanoff. Camille hasn't come into my room since the great high heel throwing darts of last week." While no one understood what on earth he was saying, they all left it at that.

"Okay, so. We have to test each of these theories." Tony looked to his friends as if waiting for one of them to say something but all that happened was a stare down between all of them that ended when Bruce pushed Tony out of the way and said,

"We could all go to the beach?" He looked around. "Okay. I know its terrible. I can leave now..."

"No Bruce! Its a great idea!" Tony took control of the white board again and under scars, wrote beach trip. "We're gonna have to pay attention because I'm guessing that our modest Mary won't be wearing a swimsuit for too long so we should keep a close eye on her." He moved his marker to magic powers. "Next."

"How about we tell her about a mandatory staff meeting of Friday night?" Steve asked.

"But Friday is when she leaves for Hawaii for her vacation." Clint said and then realized what his friend meant.

"If she shows up, then we know that she is really magic."

"But..." Nat interrupted him, "What if she just delays her flight?"

"She won't because Friday night was the only time she could find a flight. All the other days were booked for summer break." Steve said and all the avengers nodded slowly. All except Thor who said

"But what does that have to do with the glorious pop-tarts?" He asked and Bruce said quickly.

"If she brings pop-tarts to the meeting then we will know for certain that she is magic."

"Ohhhh. Good plan friend Steve!" And the God clapped Steve on the shoulder, hard enough to make even the super soldier stumble.

Tony wrote emergency board meeting under powers.

"Okay so next is party animal." He said. "How about I throw one of my crazy parties? I can invite everyone from SHIELD and Steve can tell her that he will be in charge of watching us under military proficiency and as long as we're all on our best behavior, she will see that we don't need watching and let loose!" Seeing that no one disapproved he wrote down operation party under party animal.

"And last but probably least, martial arts."

Nat jumped in,

"What if we set up something." She proposed, "I've done something like this before, I could set up a mugging and then, I could collapse leaving her defenseless. Only obviously I'd be faking it so if she really needed help I could step in."

"Sounds good with me." Tony said writing it down on the board.

The Avengers spent the rest of the night cleaning out the vending machine and perfecting their plan to the T so in the morning they were all passed out in various spots around Stark's lavish room, Tony on his huge bed, Steve and Nat on the floor, Clint upside down in Stark's closet, Bruce propped up next to the whiteboard where he was last finishing calculations, and Thor the only one awake was humming the theme song to My Little Pony while doodling rainbow horses all over the whiteboard.

############

Before they left Tony's room in the morning they checked the board one more time.

"Operation potentially ruin our friendship with the only person who still puts up with us go!"


End file.
